So this month I finally got the hang of pincha mayurasana (or forearm stand). I've been working on it for no joke almost an entire year dozens of times a day, and it's just been the most challenging asana for me by far, but especially mentally. Slowly (so slowly) it has improved and I can now get up and hold the pose fairly consistently. But even as I've come this far, I still repeatedly find myself dissatisfied with my efforts. You see, I kind of start to have this dialogue in my head.
Try 1: "I've totally got this!"
*crashes onto floor*
"Maybe I don't 'got' this"
Try 2: *barely taps the wall*
"Ugh that was bad I'm trying again. So annoyed"
Try 3: *holds freestanding forearm stand for a few seconds but legs aren't together*
"Why can't I do this better?"
Try 4: *holds with legs together but only for a couple seconds before falling out of it*
" I'll never be good (aka perfect) at this/ I'm not as good as (blank)"
There are about a zillion things wrong with these poisonous thoughts I put myself through every day. But the ones I'll address are the last two.
"Why can't I do this better?"
We have this horrible way about us as humans to take what we are able to do and turn it into not enough. Instead of seeing all the progress we have made and all the good we have spread, we look at what is still to be critiqued. Not that it's bad to routinely assess ourselves, but when we begin to think that all the progress we have made is too little, assessment becomes a hindering process instead of a help. Instead of saying "why can't I do this better?" We would say things like- hey look at how much better that was from the first time I ever tried. I have made a lot of improvement through my diligent efforts!
" I'll never be good (aka perfect) at this/ I'm not as good as (blank)"
As much as I hate to admit it this one gets me All. The. Time. It's the thing that holds us back from sharing our talents with others. The thing that keeps us from ever being happy with who we are. It happens when the comparison side of our brain takes over. When our happiness lies in someone else failure. Sounds harsh huh? For example, we often don't consider something a talent or achievement until we feel it has met some kind of superior standard, superior meaning above what the average person can do. Therefore we reach achievement when someone else fails to meet the so called standard. Aka being the best at whatever you do.
I'll share a personal example to illustrate. And ill use Jeff because he is obviously the more complete (perf) of the two of us and because yall are bored of hearing about my insecurities so we'll just use his😏 (with his permission geez don't judge) :
Any time someone comes over to our house and asks about the paintings on the wall Jeff has painted I am quick to pipe in and gush about how talented of an artist he is. Jeff is then quick to tell people that he wouldn't call himself an artist, he just took a couple classes and that's it. But secretly Jeff LOVES to paint. But he rarely does it for two reasons- it takes time that he doesn't have much of right now, but more importantly he doesn't paint because he is scared of painting something that someone else doesn't think is adequate. I call this the "Not as" syndrome.
We are NOT AS artsy, NOT AS smart, NOT AS patient, NOT AS fun or interesting etc etc blah blah blah. But really we don't mean we are "not as" smart, what we really mean in our head is that we are NOT AT ALL smart, talented... Jeff doesn't care if they think he is not as good as Leonardo, but the problem is that he thinks they won't think he is good at all. When someone else is good at the same things you are good at, it doesn't mean that you are less good. It's just means you are BOTH good. It doesn't make you any less valuable.
If someone was dropping $100 bills out of the sky I would def not be like, "oh there are thousands of them, i think I'll pass." I would be snatchin those babies up and putting them to gooood use 😉. There isn't some theoretical limit on how much talent exists in the universe. We don't need to worry that someone else is hogging it all. We can all be those $100 bills and litter the world with value in our own way.
YALL I have wanted to share how excited I was that I could finally do a forearm stand but I kept telling myself that because it's not as perfect as someone else, that means I actually can't REALLY do one. Stupid. I mean just because zara falls more than I do when she walks doesn't mean she can't walk. And just because I fall more than someone else doesn't mean I can't do it. I can and have done it more times than I can count.
So the best way I can wrap up this message to you and to myself is that we shouldn't be ashamed to share our talents. Sometimes we judge other people for saying to the world, "I can do this or that and I think I'm good enough at it!" Maybe they aren't being prideful or arrogant or seeking for validation. Let's stop judging and just give people some giant high fives for feeling good about themselves. We need more of that.
What a shame it is to have all of these talents and then to hide them?? Sound familiar my Bible loving friends? (Parable of the talents in Matthew 25). I think it makes God sad. I think he loves the way he made each of us and I think it glorifies him when we can acknowledge those things and that they come from Him, and then to go do good with them. And I guess that's kind of my point is that it all comes from God. And so hopefully when we pat ourselves on the back it is out of gratitude for the opportunities and abilities the Lord has given us to achieve those things. And boy I am so grateful for this wonderfully unique body he has given me that allows me to do so many wonderful things.
But this isn't about yoga, it's about life. I'm done waiting to become perfect at things to be happy. I'm done basing my skills and talents off of others. WE can do things and ARE doing things. So many fantastic things! So let's go out and give today a red card worthy karate kick in the shins because we have amazing things inside of us.
Namaste my friends, Namaste👊
